Just Because We're Roommate Doesn't Mean We Mate
by ijustwanttodestroy
Summary: Hijikata finds his roommate quite insufferable. [College AU/Roommate AU]
1. Chapter 1

"Hey."

"…"

"Heeeeey."

"…"

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeey."

"…"

"Oogushi-kuuun."

"…"

"Oogushi-kuuuuuun."

"…"

"Oogushi-kuuuuuuuuu—"

"My name is not Oogushi!"

"Oh, so you _can_ speak!"

"…"


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm your roommate, you know, so you can't act like I don't exist forever."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I find you very attractive."

"!"

"Oh wow, what a reaction. Need some napkin—"

"What the fuck? Don't … don't say weird shit like that!"

"Ooooh, look at you, you're blushing!"

"I'm not! I'm not blushing! God! I want a new roommate!"


	3. Chapter 3

"…"

"Oi."

"Hm?"

"Don't eat like that, it's gross. And disturbing. And gross."

"Wha…? 's no' like Ah bot'erin yo' or anyhin'."

"You are … you certainly are bothering me with that kind of dish. Who the fuck eats red beans with rice?"

"You! How _dare_ you speak of them like that! Condemn yourself! You eat rice with mayo and I never complain!"

"How dare _you_ speak of them like that! Mayo is a gift from the gods! Seppuku for you!"

"No, _you_ commit seppuku!"

"No, _you_!"

" _You!"_

" _You!_ Aaggh, you make me feel like a fucking kid! Stop, let's just … stop this right now. We are adults. We can … solve this. Let's just shut up for a sec."

"…"

"…."

"…."

"…."

"Mayonaisse tastes like horse shit. _Ouch_! What the fuck, did you just punch me in the name of mayo— _ouch_! Ouch! You know what, fuck you!"

" _Ouch_! Fuck you, that hurt!"

"Take this!"

"Fuck off!"

"Horse shit-eater!"

"Camel-shit eater!"

"Why, you—!"

" **Can you guys shut the fuck up? People are trying to study, you know."**

"…"

"…"

"Sorry Shimura-san…"

"Sorry Otae..."

" **Good that you understand."**

"…"

"…"

"That is your fault."

"What the fuck? Are you serious, now?!"

"It just is."


	4. Chapter 4

"Oi."

"…"

"Oogushi-kun."

"…"

"Oogushi-kuuuuuuuun."

"Fuck off ... what the fuck…"

"Oi, Oogushi-kun. You look cute sleeping but it's like … ten already. Don't you have class?"

"…mm. Class … class. Oh fuck, I do … have class. Ugh."

"…"

"Whatever just … five more minutes."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Uhh. Why are you looking at me like that? Fuck off, you creep."

"…"

"What."

"You ruined it."

"Huh?"

"For a while you looked really cute, all sleepy and that, but then you ruined it."

"What the—what—"

"There goes the blush!"

"I'm gonna _fucking kill you_ these days! God!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Oi."

"…"

"Oogushi-kun."

"…"

"Oogushi-kuuuuuuuun."

"Fuck off ... what the fuck…"

"Oi, Oogushi-kun. You look cute sleeping but it's like … ten already. Don't you have class?"

"…mm. Class … class. Oh fuck, I do … have class. Ugh."

"…"

"Whatever just … five more minutes."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Uhh. Why are you looking at me like that? Fuck off, you creep."

"…"

"What."

"You ruined it."

"Huh?"

"For a while you looked really cute, all sleepy and that, but then you ruined it."

"What the—what—"

"There goes the blush!"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you these days! God!"


	6. Chapter 6

_Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:23 pm:_

Heefy wherw arw you/?

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:23 pm:_

*Heu

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:23 pm:_

*Hey

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:23 pm:_

*where

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:23 pm:_

*ate

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:23 pm:_

*ate

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:24 pm:_

*are

 _Sent at 1:24 pm:_

I fcking get what u r saying u don't need to correct ur stupid typos god

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:25 pm:_

;)))))))))

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:25 pm:_

So wherw ate you?

 _Sent at 1:25:_

Why do you want to know

 _Sent at 1:26:_

You know what its pathetic reading ur miserable texts (like wtf can u even type) im at my room, why?

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:27 pm:_

They've gpt mayomnnasie at the lubch room

 _Message from_ _ **Asshole**_ _at 1:27 pm:_

Cmere

 _Sent at 1:30 pm:_

Fine

 _Sent at 1:30 pm:_

Save me a seat

 _Sent at 1:30 pm:_

I'm only coming because of mayo


	7. Chapter 7

_Sent at 8:46 pm:_

Who is this

 _Sent at 8:46 pm:_

Sorry someone changed all my contact's names, who is this?

 _Message from_ _ **Sweetcheeks**_ _at 8:50:_

Whst dpes mine say?

 _Message from_ _ **Sweetcheeks**_ _at 8:50:_

*what

 _Message from_ _ **Sweetcheeks**_ _at 8:50:_

 _*_ does

 _Sent at 8:51:_

Nevermind I know who this is.

 _Message from_ _ **Sugar Idiot**_ _at 8:52:_

Cmoon, wjat does mine say?

 _Sent at 8:52:_

It says Sugar Idiot.

* * *

 **A/N: In casse ur wondering gin was the one who changed his contact name to sweet cheeks**


	8. Chapter 8

"...why is that here."

"That is, my dear Hijikata, a microwave. It is here to microwave things."

"I fucking know that, dipshit. But _why_ is a microwave here?"

"Like I said, to microwave things. Now just shut up for a minute."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What are you doing."

"Okay, did you turn stupid or what? I am cooking."

"I _know_ you are cooking, asshole! Why the fuck are you cooking? Can you even _cook_? And it's like, what, one am?"

"There's always a time to cook. Now, try this."

"…"

"Come on, it's not poisoned."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"How is it?"

"…okay. Good, actually, I'm … surprised."

"I don't know if I should feel offended or flattered."

"…mm."

"Hey, hey, no! It's not ready yet! Hands off!"

"…"

"…"

"Could use some mayo though."

"…"


	9. Chapter 9

I'm gonna come late today. Got some stuff to do.

-Hijikata


	10. Chapter 10

I'm at Takasugi's

there's some miso in the fridge

(i know u got back like at 3 am ytd. don't overwork yourself.)

-Gin


	11. Chapter 11

"…"

"Hijikata?"

"…you're still awake?"

"Right back at you."

"…"

"You look exhausted. Where've you been?"

"...The lab."

"Liar."

"Shut up."

"…"

"…"

"Okay. G'night."

"…Night."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Sorry, I'm just—"

"Tired, yeah. Get some sleep."

"…"

"…"


	12. Chapter 12

"Jesus fuck, it's huge!"

"Okay, you're being overdramatic, it's just a cockroa-SHIT, IT FLIES!"

"AAAAHHH!"

"AAAAHHH!"


	13. Chapter 13

Sent at 4:01:

Thwre's 20 letters in the alpjabets

Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:06:

Like I know u can't type, but I didn't know u can't spell also

Sent at 4:06:

Well Im missin uraqt

Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:07:

That's only 25 letters dumbass. Also stfu

Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:07:

WAIT I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. YOU ARE NOT GIVING ME THE D. SHUT UP.

Sent at 4:08:

u suck

Sent at 4:11:

But do u swallow ;))))

Message from **Mayo Prince** at 4:11:

Shut the fuck up, god, shut the fuck up


End file.
